I wish I had taken a donut to my seat.
Michelle and I attended a new church plant here in Wentzville yesterday. As we entered we were greetedby one person handing out bulletins and they had coffee and krispy kreme donuts available. I took a cup of coffee to our seat, since I noticed others were doing the same. We intentionally arrived 15 minutes early so we could meet people. It became almost a joke as we watched people look at us and then turn the other way and not one person came by to say anything to us. They would look at us and then keep walking by us. During that entire time not one other person spoke to us before the service, during the service, after the service.
It was a small church of about 60 or so adults. You could tell the people had friendships and were happy to be there. But being the guest that morning we definitely felt out of place and unwanted. So we worshipped as best we could. As the visitor, I could feel the pain of the unchurched -should they ever enter a place like that. They were one big happy family and you were happy as long as you were in. But we were not in -and there was no way we were going to be in at all. We just sat there looking in from the outside where we were clearly going to stay.
We are not going back! All the rules were broken. We were not welcome! We could not follow the service because things were done without any information. The pastor was very reclusive -He had to know we were guests but made no attempt to meet us.
The pastor preached about the church and the value of the family of God. I found myself being hyper critical since the stuff he was saying about other churches was not being done by his own church family.
I felt sad for the unchurched who may visit in the future. You may ask why I didn't go out of my way to get to know people? Clearly to do so would have required that I interupt the wonderful fellowship they were engaged in. We were not uplifted, God's presence was not flowing freely through the place. In all my years of ministry this is the worst church experience of my life.
I asked Michelle if I was hyper negative - but she felt the same. I asked her what she liked about the service and she said, "that it was over."
I had one regret upon leaving the service - I wish I had eaten a krispy kreme donut so I could at the very least say something was good.
posted by Bob Carder @ 12:38 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Your blog today is really sad. I have to tell you that Sunday I preached at a church in Urbana (pastor is in the hospital) and we welcomed a new believer into the Kingdom whose first service was on Sunday. The church made this man feel very welcomed! Hurrey for the work of the Kingdom is on the move in church while some really miss out... their loss! Oh, by the way, Krispy Kream donuts are really good! You should have taken one, you would have gotten something for your trouble!
Yeah,
Whenever I think of or see a krispy kreme donut or shop I will pray for this church. I also thought I should share my experience with the pastor but later felt it would not be appreciated or accepted. That is even more sad in my opinion.
Thnaks for being where a newcomer was accepted and led to Jesus on his first Sunday service at a new church. And, I'm glad I am already saved so the visit didn't kill me.
What could be lost by sharing the experience with the pastor? At the best you could open his eyes. At the worst...?
I don't know what the worst would be, but it doesn't seem this church is a mover or shaker in the area. :)
These are things I need to constantly remind myself to do, though, in my own life. Your post will help remind me of that.
Mike, It's sooo easy to become self-absorbed and so into our own relationships that we fail to see the needs of others around us.
People need to be taught to look around and notice others. Sunday morning is not just for the reached but it is also for everyone to reach out to others in ministry. Sunday is ministry time. This church will grow slowly and for the most part only those invited in by the "family" will stick.
I'll pray about taking the pastor to lunch and discern his openness to my experiences outside looking into his family. I was there but in a bubble looking around while the church ministered to those already in the church.
True. Too true.
The Planter said:
People need to be taught to look around and notice others.
Mike says:
OK, so, how? I mean, really, when after 25 years my wife hasn't been able to get me to notice when the living room needs sweeping? (OK, so that's not true, I do notice, now. I may not sweep, but I do notice! But you know what I mean???)
I think it's a heart issue, again. I notice things my heart is attuned to. And for most of us, those things are self-centered.
I look down the hall of the church and see my good friend RP who I want to talk to about our plans for the next weekend. A little closer down the hall is a new face, looking a little lost but open. More times than not I will smile nicely at the new person and pass on by to RP and talk about our plans, hoping to catch the new person AFTERward. Why? Because it's where my heart is.
We need our hearts attuned to the heart of God. We can learn. Will we.
I'd be interested in how you would teach this to someone.
It is a heart passion issue. You can't force heart issues can you? Once again you have me thinking more deeply.
The change process moves from unawareness to awareness to embracing to implementation to results.
Helping people see the problem is a good first step. Getting them to embrace the problem and solution isn't as easy.
Just thinking...
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