What in the world?
My brother Glenn is gone. After years of Cocaine addiction going back to his teenage years , and now at the age of 44 he is now gone. He was found dead 3 days after the fact by my parents in his bed, in pajamas, in a more than perfect setting, all stiff and lifeless. What in the world?
Fowl play, overdose, suicide? What in the world?
How does a brother deal with such a tragedy? He now lies in a casket, he is dressed and ready, but, what should I think, or say, or feel?
After years of dealing with death professionally, I find it hard to deal with death personally. If suicide, it was the most creative and perfect and the less destructive I have ever seen. What in the world?
What happens when a person is seeking for God as hard as my brother Glenn was? And, then He dies by self inflicted means or others and dies in the process? Drugs? Deliberate carbon monoxide poisoning? Self inflictioned wounds? Others? Where is He now? He was searching for God with all His heart as he said to me at New Year's, but where is he now?
I am at a loss! I am tired and empty! Where is my brother based on what my brother was searching for? He wanted Jesus, he said He loved Him, and that he accepted Him and yet He died and maybe even took his own life? Did he really end it? Maybe and even likely! Where is he now?
What in the world? Can you help me and maybe others? I'm numb by it all!
Glenn was one of 8 kids who now lies in a casket awaiting his burial. What say you about this? What can you say at a time like this? I'm too close to the trees to see the forest!
Grief, disbelief, rejection of reality. So senseless and unecessary. How should I respond? I'm weak, weary and without answers. This is a lonely time and sad beyond words. Why didi't I do more? Where was I when He needed me? Why does it have to end this way?
Fire and remember, I am a big boy who loves to be hit on the head as strange as that is. What in the world do you have to say? Hurting but without answers? What was he thinking anyway?
posted by Bob Carder @ 12:49 AM
15 comments
15 Comments:
Dear Bob – We mourn with you and your family. Even though we did not know your brother, we know our brother Bob is suffering. For that reason your True Vine family is lifting you up in prayer, as are those who you have begun to disciple.
Remember the grace you have been given, the same grace that I have seen you sow among the people of this area. Sow that grace among your family. Let God comfort you and them in this time of despair.
Many questions you ask are questions that we cannot answer for you. Your faith will be tested by the circumstances of your loss. I have had many Scriptures come to mind as I write this but I keep hearing in my mind a reassurance. We serve a merciful and just God! It is not for us to judge Glenn’s eternal state but rather to stand in the mercy and justice of our Lord. This will be the same mercy and justice I will throw myself upon as I stand a sinner before my Lord on judgement day.
Lay open your wounds before the Lord. Mourn for your loss. Allow the love of God to heal your pain. Know that while we do not stand beside you at this time we stand with you from afar. Remember that God is with you now as He always is. Turn to Him for comfort and strength and He will refresh your soul.
I have no answers, Bob. I'm sorry. But I am crying with you. Crying for Glenn, for you, for the rest of your family. Crying for God to answer you, to hold you, to be your Abba.
Hello Bob.
No answers here, but I certainly resonate with your questions. Seems at times like life is made up of a whole lot of questions and not many answers with the lovingkindness of the Father filling in the gaps.
Very sorry Bob. May God overwhelm you today.
My heart is heavy for you and your family. I experienced grief and unanswered questions since the death of my sister last year (Jan '06). I'm reminded that God's grace is sufficient for you today. Where would we be without God's grace? In the end, it's all about His grace through Jesus.
For me, after my dad died when I was in High School, I came to rely on what I knew to be true about God to help me through my grief... 1) God exists.
2) God is sovereign.
3) God's care is constant and His love endures forever.
Therefore, I trust Him. Even when I don't have answers to my questions!
God, grant my brother Bob a clear sense of Your presence and perfect peace. May your peace guard Bob's heart and mind. Because of Jesus, amen.
My prayers are with you, Bob. No answers for your questions - I ask them myself. God hasn't explained why there are valleys, but he's promised to walk through them with us. Even when I can't see him, I have to trust that he's there. May God minister to you in this time, brother.
My Dear Bob, While there are no definite answers to your grief, one repsonse kept popping into my mind as I read your heart wrenching message with it's question "What in the world?" Part of the answers you so desperatley struggle with are buried in the question itself...we ARE in the world. In the world there WILL be tribulation...and unanswered WHY's. Some we will never know the answers to. And maybe that is for good reason. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Judy Martin
Bob, first I love you. Second your brother, I know something about these thinks, was in reality seeking Jesus. Was it deep habit paaterns of sin, his drugs ours pride or arrogance? Jesus has forgiven me of those sins yet I still often walk in those. I don't know where your brother is at. What I do know is regardless of how we feel Jesus does in fact forgive the sinner who comes to the cross at the last minute. My hope is this for your brother. His testimony of giving his heart to Jesus is a good thing. Maybe his life didn't show a great "change" but we all change at different speeds. No answers...I'd preach he confessed Jesus and that is where I hang my hat. I love you Bob Mark Springs, Wichita
Hey, thanks to all of the responses so far. Everything has been of comfort. Thanks to anonymous for such honesty and even transparency. I love you also brother. Great words by all of you.
The funeral brought peace to my family as well as bringing our family together in many ways. There were so many people, some of whom I had not seen in twenty or thirty years. I admit that there were times in my ministry as a pastor that I have thought that visitation times before funerals was cruel and unusual punishment. But for our family it was just what we needed. I never dreamed so many would come out to pay respects and offer love and support to our family. Awesome, is the only word that comes to mind when I think back on those precious moments.
The funeral lasted 1 hour and 45 minutes. It seemed like 30 minutes. But, what a God honoring and grace-filled time as we reflected on Glenn's impact on our lives. Never have I seen so much love, grace, and trust in God.
Four brothers shared, 7 nephews shared scripture and other readings, two songs and a message by the pastor of our home church together brought tears and joyful laughter. It was beautiful and the time spent was needed time spent for our family.
Instead of "What in the world?" I am now saying, "Who would have ever thought?" Glenn touched many in his life, but I believe he touched even more in His death! My brothers and sister and their families were brought closer together. Who would have thought?
I am at peace that Glenn is in the hands of a just and fair and honest God. Who could ask for anything more?
As I shared with those who gathered I reminded them that we all have something we struggle with, but in God's eyes neither yours nor mine is considered worse in His eyes.
No one can judge because none of us are the judge. No one can condemn because we all are condemned! Not one person is so righteous as to stand on a pedestal, because Jesus is the only righteous one, the judge who is always just.
Glenn sought God in His final days. He sought and he sought for God's peace. Jesus stood and knoched at his hearts door and Glenn opened it and invited him in. That's enough for me.
My college prof at Indiana Wesleyan University once said, "Can a person really commit suicide if he is in his right mind? I think not. Then how can God send a person to hell for doing something he does while not being balanced and or thinking clearly?" My brother was in pain and we knew that. What we didn't know was how deeply he was hurting.
He left a full can of beer unopened and turned upside down on the furnace that pumped the carbon monoxide through the house from a hose that ran to his van until the gas in the car ran out. It was as if he was giving us a message, "I'm tired of fighting, I'm sick of the shame, I need to rest, I need peace and victory over the drugs and alcohol." He told me at New Year's that he drank because drinking numbed his desire for cocaine. He also told me that he drank when he took drugs because it numbed him from wanting more drugs when He came of the high. It was viscious cycle he could not break as He tried to break it with all of his might.
He couldn't break free that is, until now. I can only put Him in God's hands and trust that his earnest searching and seeking for God was not in vain. I know what I was taught, but I also know what God teaches and it is possible that the two are not the same.
I'm leaving Glenn with God and God will do what is just and fair. I have nothing more to add.
Bob,
You extended church family in Bedford is praying for you.
Peace.
Nick Mullis T
Bob - Due to the nature of my work, and my own personal experiences with addiction, I find it necessary to post this anonymously. You are likely the only person reading this who knows who I am. I would appreciate it if it stays that way. You can email or phone me should you feel the need. I am posting this only for reason that these words may help someone.
The "vicious cycle he could not break" is explained in great detail in the book I gave you. It is also freely available online for others who may wish to read it:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/
This is not a religious book, but it IS a spiritual writing. Note: Although this book was written about alcoholism, it also applies to most any other addiction. Simply substitute the word alcohol with "drugs," "gambling," or whatever.
The first paragraph in Chapter 5 may help many to understand Glenn's predicament. It was said at one of our recent gatherings that "AA failed Glenn." The paragraph I reference explains that AA did NOT fail Glenn. There is no fault here, only God's will. The person who made the statement probably spoke with some AA members at the funeral home and didn't even know it. One was a Doctor, another a teacher, they come from all walks of life. This disease does not discriminate. It's the only disease I'm aware of that tells you that you don't have it.
I was comforted there by Bill K., a longtime AA member who has helped many. He reminded me of a saying from AA: "God's will, not mine." He went on to say that he lost a younger brother years ago and asked: "Why take my brother when I am much older and have lived a long life?" Bill told me that it just came to him: "God still has more for me to do." Bill went on to say that others may recover because of Glenn. I believe that.
You said: "I'm leaving Glenn with God and God will do what is just and fair."
I believe that too.
Anonymous, I do agree with you that AA did not fail Glenn. I spoke with Bill and he was very helpful and gave me a better understanding. I also learned so much more from you here and over there. I have the Big Book in a smaller version (easy to keep in my shirt pocket)and I am reading it to gain a more broadened perspective.
I do believe that someone or many will or have been touched by Glenn's life and perhaps more though his death.
I do believe in God's will and in His fairness in times like these.
Anonymous, please accept my love and appreciation for these fine words of helpful and caring insight.
Bob, I know a man who has a very old, very used copy of the big book. In fact he goes to church with us...in fact he rides to church with me!! And I say that knowing he would do the same...any questions? He would be glad to help.Judy
I'm sorry, Bob.
Hello, I have been thinking about you and all your pain. I too lost a brother to many addictions. Alcohol, cocaine, a lost love!Words can not express how I feel for you and your entire family. I believe that God had a purpose for Glenn beyond this world. I am saddened by the way Glenn took his life however, happy that your brother is at peace with our Heavenly Father. We may not have the answers to many of the questions that circle our minds, but if we can believe, we will recieve his promise and that is that we will all have eternal life.
I believe that my brother is in heaven, free from the pain he endured. I know your brother is up there as well. We will all get thru and make something good out of these sad times. We will lean on others when we need support. We will pray together for God is always with us. Time will heal our broken hearts. We will leave all the "What if's" behind and take a deep breath forward! No one knows WHY for sure that we are sad at times or WHY we must face the things that break us into tiny pieces. No one knows WHY Glenn died or WHY so many others die. What we do know is this....We will get thru and tommorow will be a better day. Your dear brother, my dear brother left this world of addictions to find peace, to find healing, to find rest, to find fullfillness, and reassurance for a greater tommorow. So Dear Bob and to many others reading this, Sorrow, a sad word... However, we know thru God, there will be a terrific healing for a greater tommorow. We will pray together and know this is will be true. Take Care.
Smile, breathe, walk, laugh, run, talk, cry if you want to. Glenn would have wanted this...no other way! You're in my thoughts and prayers....Love, One and Only!
Hey One and Only -you have offered words of comfort that heal beyond my anything I could ever ask for.
Thank you so much!
I'm going to copy and send to my family.
Thanks
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